I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
