Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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