I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
