he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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