If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
