U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
