So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
