I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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