STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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