i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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