i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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