i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
