the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
