I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
