I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
