I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
