I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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