If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The adults are the big ones right?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
