great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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