Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
