Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
