At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
