when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
