She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can I color on your dick again?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
