i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
