Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
