just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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