One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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