My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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