I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
