Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
