she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
why is half of my head shaved?
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