my mouth tastes like poor choices
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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