There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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