No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
