i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
