Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
