There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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