Small penises have feelings too.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
