OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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