I heard we made out
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
