I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
