she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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