Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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