i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
