Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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