Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
