Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
