apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
