I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
