Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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