if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
