Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
