are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
