every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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