can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
