Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
