i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
